Breaking The Ties That Bind Me – One Song At A Time
Over the years I have been through quite a lot – the damage and limitations, start with school.
We don’t think when we tell a child “you are the clever one” that it can be harmful to be labelled – clever is a compliment after all.
Art – “Sam tries hard – but she has no aptitude”.
Primary School Award Winning Choir – 2 children not in it out of a class of 30, one of those children being me.
Same with sports, with netball, baseball, tennis – you name it, if it was practical I was told I couldn’t do.
And so – I couldn’t sing, I couldn’t draw, I couldn’t dance, I couldn’t run, but it was OK – because I was “the clever one”.
These limiting factors followed me into adulthood, I never believed I could do anything “practical”, I have never changed a plug or even a lightbulb or drew a picture, but it was OK – because I was “the clever one”
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Then 5 years ago I found camp, with its openmindedness and acceptance and slowly the wounds of the past began to heal, on a Spiral Journey Retreat run by Karin Chandler of Red Wisdom, I faced my grief and my fears, I learned to open my mouth a little and quietly sing.
Overtime, with Tribal Fires and at Rainbow Camps I came to chant around a fire and bang my drum, maybe not too well, but in joyous abandon – however I still felt like an imposter – pretending I belonged, while deep down holding a fear of being not quite good enough.
And then last year (May 2017) at Into The Wild Beltane Festival I spotted a workshop – Singing In The Summer and I thought to myself – I can’t sing, I am not doing that – however, there was no other workshop that caught my eye.
“Find your Voice, Uplift your Soul, Connect to your Heart”
“If you can talk – you can sing, if you can walk you can dance”
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I had never heard of a natural voice choir, the premise being we ALL can sing, but this was one of the absolutely most profound, most spiritual, most divine experience of my whole life.
Together, in one workshop of just 2 hours – we crafted songs of healing and of spirituality and of beauty and of power, as many voices became one.
I bowed my head and laid it on mother earth, giving thanks, in moments of deep, deep gratitude, as my whole being was filled with love, love and intense, divine goddess empowerment.
So we left the yurt to sing to the elements, with tears of unbounded joy streaming, unashamedly down my face and the faces of many around me.
And those ties that bound me, the ties that silenced me, the ties that took my voice, that took my power, that took my words, the ties that confined my soul, they broke away, one tie, one note, one voice, one song at a time and I was set free.
Samantha Gadsden walks with women on their life’s journeys. She is an experienced Doula, based close to Cardiff in South Wales, mother to 4 children and wife to Eddie, more information can be found on her facebook page, Samantha Gadsden Doula and her website, Caerphilly Doula. SOS Doula, Telephone and online support is always available.
If you are interested in writing a guest blog or sharing a life or birth story please feel free to contact her HERE.
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